The Internet is ranking fruits. They are all incorrect. Here is what you should listen to.

29. Lemons/Limes- Due to their failure to actually be consumed, and their use primarily as a flavoring, I cannot commit to lemons and limes as fruits.

28. Grapefruits- wtf is that and who would ever eat that.

27. Papaya- I’ve had like one papaya in my life and it wasn’t a memorable experience so it clearly wasn’t good.

26. Figs- Figs are just weird and need to stay on the trees they came from

25. Pomegranates- Also weird. Kinda tasty. but too weird for me.

24. Plums- Plums taste like old prunes, which is weird because they’re new prunes.

23. Cranberries- Seriously, cranberry is just gross. Gross flavor. Gross texture. Anything that has to do with cranberries needs to be lit on fire.

22. Mango- I’m convinced that mangoes aren’t even real fruits, just an abstract orange.

21. Clementine- Clementine’s are okay but you’re done with them before you can enjoy them, so there.

20. Coconuts- Coconut is weird because there’s two parts of it you can consume: the milk and the shavings. Both are weird and if you want milk, drink it from a cow.

19. Starfruit- I’ve tasted starfruit, and I’ve tasted starfruit-flavor. They don’t taste the same, which is something you can’t trust.

18. Watermelon- A vastly overrated melon, and my least favorite of the melon family.

17. Cherries- I could eat cherries in a casual way, but they’re difficult to eat and there’s much less effort in better fruits.

16.Blackberries- Blackberries are bitter and sweet, which is too much for a lil juice grenade like them.

15. Red Apples- Apples come in many flavors, red being my least preferred.

14. Oranges- Another overly complicated fruit, one has to peel the orange, seed the orange,and split the orange into sections before eating. Too much for the every day consumer. But pretty good if you’re invested.

13. Red Grapes- What’s with red fruits being mediocre. I mean, apples, tomatoes, watermelon? Red fruits cant be trusted, because they are the color of your blood.

12. Green Grapes- Grapes are weird and good but green grapes are so sour they’re almost bitter, which is totally not cool.

11. Granny Smith Apples- I’m not too fond of apples, as their overly tough skin and limited consumable parts leave me wondering why I should even bother eating them at all.

10. Bananas- Bananas require minimal effort and can cure stomach cramps, also they taste good with peanut butter, which is enough for me to rank them in the top ten.

9. Raspberries- Raspberries are amazing. They’re like better blackberries. Why go for the bitter juice grenade when you can go for the delicious, sweet raspberry?

8. Cantaloupe- Cantaloupe is a honeydew that just hasn’t made that final move to deliciousness. They’re still great and are critical in fruit salads.

7. Concord Grapes- The best grapes in the world. They can be easily identified and eaten, though their cost keeps them out of the top five. 

6.Pears- Pears are apples that have the will to improve, and have, actually, improved. They look funny, but they’re a treat to eat. Enjoyable juice grenades.

5. Blueberries- Have yet to hear one bad thing about blueberries. Fruit rankings often praise the blueberries subtly sweet, juicy taste. Coupled with their versatility as a pie filling, they are a top five fruit forever.

4. Honeydew- Every ranking I have gone to has complained about honeydew. Why? because humans are inherently bad and have no taste. Okay, maybe not, but it’s the best melon in the world, so there.

3. Tomatoes- OH, HOW DARE HE? RANK TOMATOES, THE DEVILS FRUIT, SO HIGH? Because tomatoes are a key part to life. They are critical in every way, shape and form. Ketchup? Tomatoes. Pasta sauce? Tomatoes. Salads? Needs tomatoes. Afternoon snack? Try a tomato. Everywhere you go, Tomatoes, so they are great. Sue me, I’m sticking by my decision.

2. Pineapple- I used to hate pineapple. But now I find it to be absolutely delicious and amazing. They’re sweet, but not overwhelmingly so. They are easy to eat as a snack. Plus, pineapple salsa is an 80-grade condiment, and if you don’t agree with me, well, screw you. All pineapples and pineapple related things are awesome, and that is why I rank it so high.

1. Strawberries- The best fruit in the world is a strawberry. They’re so sweet and sugary, but also healthy for you, which makes them a super-food. You get the most out of a strawberry, too, as you only need to pick off the leaves and core it ever so slightly to get to the good part. You can be a fan of grapes, but grapes don’t even come close to touching strawberries. Strawberries are the mother of all fruits, and they deserve the highest praise from us fruit lovers and casual fruit consumers. 

So there you have it, ranked 29-1, the best and the worst of the sweetest fruits. You may disagree with me, but there is no valid reason that cranberries should be anywhere near the top of the list, and honeydews at the bottom. 


Donut peaches in the market in Antibes, south of France. 
More photos are on my Instagram.


Donut peaches in the market in Antibes, south of France. 

More photos are on my Instagram.


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(Source: foodisscrummy)